Stop saying that “sex is a basic human need”.
"Give it to me straight doc, is he gonna be okay?"
"No ma’am I’m sorry but we were too late…your son just couldn’t get some. There was nothing we could do."
*mother crumbles to the floor, curses the friendzone to the heavens. Doc lowers fedora over corpse’s eyes respectfully*
finding out that americans dont have kettles really fucked me up
literally?? everyone here has a kettle ??
ppl are always harping on the ignorant american stereotype and we got all these europeans who dont know what the fuck a cafeteria is and think we have no idea what a kettle is smh
I love conservative rhetoric.
"if you can’t afford kids stop having them, but abortions are bad, and health insurance shouldn’t cover birth control or plan b, and welfare is awful, and raising the minimum wage so you can afford to live without requiring welfare and food stamps is socialism!"
Just be rich ok!
|me as a pedestrian:||[catwalks slowly across street as 90 cars pile up behind each other trying to turn; throws modelesque glance backwards over designer shades] [car inches into crosswalk] HOW DARE YOU COME WITHIN FIVE FEET OF ME!? I HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT OF WAY??? SEE YOU IN COURT YOU CAPITALIST, PLANET-DESTROYING SCUM|
|me driving:||say your prayers|
i’m all for boys wearing makeup mostly because if more of them got into it there’d be a bigger market and it wouldn’t cost $25 for an eyeshadow primer anymore
i can’t wait to go into the makeup aisle to get the latest man-color of guyshadow that comes in containers shaped like bullets and footballs
"Bruh I just went to sephora and got the sickest shade of eyeshadow"
"Sick dude what’s it called"
"Monster truck gas fumes"
I currently have like $160 cash in my pants
I forgot that in America pants means a different thing so I thought you’d just had a shift at a strip club or something idk
well it was in my shorts and also my undies but I’m not a stripper it’s drug money
we can recognize that police brutality is bad in like dystopian novels like the hunger games for example people recognize that the peacekeepers are an oppressive force but when its happening in real life to real people its always “not all cops are bad” because they only target people our society doesnt view as fully human like people of color, trans people, disabled people, poor people, and sex workers
Not all peace keepers